what i know

i miss home. ever since i started living alone in this cruel world, i felt like my life had been taken away from me. is this what being in college is all about? from what i've experienced..., yes. everything's supposed to be like this. then why are the other students from those other studies not experiencing what i am experiencing?

i'm an architecture student, and that's the toughest status i have ever beheld in my entire life. did you know that just by being an architecture student, your whole life could be taken away from you? especially when you live all by yourself in a city that is completely unfriendly to you and you have no one to rely on but yourself? my mind is going 'berserk' and i don't even know the exact meaning of 'berserk' because it just sounds to be the right word to be inputted in the sentence. now, this is what i can't do in architecture. in every step that i do, i have to know the meaning. i have to be able to give a clear delivery in my presentation of ideas about the steps that i make in the process of each project. not that there's anything wrong with that...

it's just that, seriously, you gotta see how my room looks like at this present. then again, it's just too extremely overly messy and trash-like that i don't want you to see it at all...

i don't know how to get me my life back. do i have to wait four years in order to do that? i'm being stupid. after four years everything would be tougher, wouldn't they? as time goes by, i would get pushed even closer to the border in which the border will soon break and i don't know what to expect next.

what i know is that i'm going through a tough phase in my life and that all i can think of is home. i just wanna go home. that's actually bad, you know, when you have to focus on your studies and get all the projects and assignments done. then again, you shouldn't treat them like they're all your burden right? you gotta take it as your responsibility because you committed to this. the problem is, i'm not sure if i have landed myself in the right place, i mean... architecture? come to think of it, i don't even know exactly why i wanted to be in architecture in the first place. to be an architect? i don't have that deep desire and huge hope to become one...