Dear reader, (if any)
This is just one of those moments where I vent my heart out because of another storm of...'galau'-ness. Okay so I had a dream. I'm not gonna tell what dream I had yesterday, but I woke up smiling from it and my mood lifted all day, I even named it the best dream I ever had in twenty years. :O It was so real I felt like I was literally living it. There was him and he sat next to me and I felt our shoulders brush and I finally knew what it felt like to feel that thing you call love on someone. I mean, I can't believe I learned it in a dream, it's so NOT fair! What I felt was so real I could still feel it now. And I want to have that in real life.
So, all in all it was one of those really good dreams, but really bizarre, I was like sort of making a really huge decision out of blue and everyone questioned it and even I questioned it and couldn't believe it would be happening at last, and my family and his were starting to arrange it and all that, but my family started questioning my decision, and then I woke up. No, I didn't get married in that dream, if you guessed that, but okay, something that leads to that.
What makes it a bit disturbing is it involves some of the close people in my life. So him was someone I knew in real life, and one of my best friends was actually in it and she was a completely different person I really much preferred her to the real-life her O.O -hey best friend, no hard feelings here, you were just like so cool in the dream that's all. I mean, she really took over things, she asked me these questions, she brought him to me, she was really different, it was as if she was the strong one and I was the one who always needed direction. Wow, I really miss the dream her now, I really admired here there. What makes it truthfully the most disturbing is because who he is in real life. Like, come on God, really?? What do you mean by that? And now I'm starting to think of him again and I actually stalked his facebook profile today, haha. -_-
Maybe it would've been better if he didn't exist in real life, or if I hadn't seen his face in the dream clearly, but I clearly saw who he was and the dream obviously understood our situation in real life to bring it in like that. God..., this is really awkward and embarrassing for me. But in that dream I was so happy! I was about to enter a new phase in life and I felt excited, I felt like I was ready for it! Omg this is so weird. With him? Hahaha.
It just seems so abrupt and out of the blue considering how things are in real life. In real life, it's just impossible right now. But I guess, it's entirely my fault that I was self-indulgent and stalked him again, haha, I mean, at the beginning I was smiling all day because of that dream, because of what I felt in it, not because of him in particular, not because who he was. But then I started getting all curious and I started thinking like 'how's he doing now?' and I gave in to my own self-indulgent suspicions. Lol. The dream wasn't supposed to head to that direction. Now my head's full of what ifs. I let my mind think these thoughts and have these expectations and it's just frustrating.
I'm sorry for writing about this stuff. I feel so pathetic. I just have to let it out or else I'll keep thinking about it. The point is, I usually don't think too much about this stuff, I mean, didn't, but now I think about it all the time. Ever since that dream. When, God, when will you show me The One? Or have you, but I just don't realize it yet? Sigh. I feel ridiculous. It's not about having a boyfriend, it's about feeling 'that thing' again, when I sat next to him in that dream and heard his voice -not referring to the him in real life, but him as that someone just for you. Blah. Maybe I shouldn't write about this stuff. I don't know, maybe I'll delete this post in the future. But I just have to admit I'm really one of those hopeless romantics right now. Sigh. I wanna feel it again, God...
And yet, now I look at myself again, and I think, who on earth would like a girl like me? Even I wouldn't like me. But then, God promised each of us our soulmates. Maybe I just gotta keep waiting. *fingers crossed* :|
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