Orang lain dihadirkan Tuhan juga sebagai tolak ukur untuk menilai diri kita sendiri, sejauh mana kita udah berbuat, atau mencapai sesuatu. Di umur segini, banyak banget temen-temen saya yang udah jauh lebih sukses daripada saya. Baik dalam hal studi, pengalaman, kerja, etc etc. Kemudian saya tertawa melihat diri saya masih gini-gini aja. Where have I gone to? Who have I been? I know I'm better than this. So what happened? Where did all those years go? Ke mana perginya tahun-tahun di mana saya seharusnya bisa menunjukkan kapasitas saya yang maksimum sebagai manusia yang diberikan bakat oleh Tuhan.
I think -no, I believe I was wrong when I said growing up means leaving your imaginations behind. Who says I can't grow up with it? Did I ever tell you why I cried watching Pan's Labyrinth when the little girl...um, okay so I won't spoil anything, you should just go see the movie yourself if you haven't. I grasped a whole new meaning when I saw the movie a second time and cried a lot more then. The loss of innocence that comes with growing up... The realization of a horrible world, horrible people... When you grow up your mind becomes polluted with all worldly things all void of purity and innocence and you become one of those horrible people... That when you die a child you are saved from the clutches of the evil world and its horrible people, you are safe... That I actually envy those children... And of course because of my faith I believe that the innocence of children sends them straight to heaven without being trialed for any wrong on earth... Meanwhile, us grownups... I can't imagine all the wrongdoings I've done.
Well anyways. Straying away from the point here.
What I do know is that my imagination won't help me unless I produce something out of it, create something of value. That's what I have to do. I have to stop dwelling in pointless fantasy and actually do something. I have to focus on making my dreams come true. They are not at all impossible or too high to reach, I realized after a while. They're really very simple dreams. And all are born of imagination (I'm not saying I have great imagination, just saying I like to imagine a lot hehe) :D
I want to make movies. Short movies. Documentaries. All sorts of movies. I like to write as well, so I think I can write my own screenplays too. Problem is I'm not a smooth communicator nor am I a good leader. I dunno if I can direct a movie or not. But actually...I thought it would be a problem too when I started debating in high school. Turned out I didn't do bad at all, if I did my teachers would probably have stopped my participation in the debates, lol. I think I'm just not pushing myself enough. That's a fact I can be satisfied with at the moment right? :) Trying to encourage myself here.
I want to design buildings. Not necessary buildings- I'm happy if fate reveals that I will simply be designing architecturally-acceptable dwellings for people (and if I can aim a bit higher, like the Falling Water designed by Frank L. Wright). But then...sometimes I forget to think logically. In my head everything works well but when I explain things people always seem able to find a logical flaw in it...lol... Okay so perhaps to solve this I just have to do more research and learn a little bit more of structure and physics and that stuff and even more important, discuss my design with people frequently. Of course. Discuss more.
I want to write books. Like I said I like to write, and I have tons of stories in my head it's hard to choose one and focus on it before I go on to the second story. The fact that I am easily doomed into boredom kind of prevents me from working on a story from beginning 'til end and I really need help with that. How to focus. Consistency. Perseverance. :/
So far I have discovered that those three are the biggest dreams I have now. Of course there are other more personal dreams but...that's between me and God hehe.
It just sucks that some people laugh at these dreams. Imagination. Many call it naive. Well some are naive but some are not. As to the thin line that separates one from the other I myself do not know. I guess we'll all found out later, after we've tried. I know I've been naive myself for some time. But it's also been a while since I got out (I think. Hopefully. I don't know).
What I must do now...is take one step forward and never stop walking ahead.
But the first step is always the hardest.
So how do I take that first step that will be the cornerstone that sets the course of my future and changes my life forever.
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."
No comments:
Post a Comment