Hiya! I haven't posted anything in a long time, wow. This is my first post in 2013, and I just wanted to say, that, alhamdulillah, 2013 is going on pretty well. I think I've progressed mentally since last year, less anxious, less negative, a little bit more stable, and I've managed to try and see most things on the bright side. I still get anxious sometimes, get all negative on things, stressed out, depressed, but it's normal I guess. ;)
I'm doing my thesis now (baca: skripsi) and it started out quite exciting but now I just want to graduate already. The semester began with a determination of, "I'm getting an A for my thesis." Yep, that spirit stayed for quite a while. And then I started to get like, "You know what? A- will be fantastic." And then last month it went like, "You know what? I'll be satisfied if I get a B+." And then these last few days I settled with, "I just want to graduate."
My topic? Something about architecture and film. Lol. When I told my brother my topic he was like, "Is that even academic?" and "Gunanya untuk Indonesia?" Well, bro, sorry to say, my thesis cannot save our country. I chose it because I like it. It involves discussing Jacques Tati's 1967 film Playtime. At the beginning it was quite enjoyable to work on. But nowadays, I'm hoping my thesis would just finish itself already...
That's pretty much all I've been doing this year, working on my thesis. I still don't have a boyfriend. Lol. Oh and by the way, I sorta adopted this new perspective on this boyfriend/girlfriend thing? It's all this reading on 19th century novels I've been doing since the beginning of 2013. :| Yeah so I read Mansfield Park and then Persuasion and then North and South, and I saw the BBC Miniseries of North and South and then the Mansfield Park movie and both Persuasion movies, and I realized what I want...When I fall in love I want to get married (apart from the fact that I'm not ready yet lol, but hopefully I will be then). I want to avoid getting stuck in a long relationship and don't know how the relationship will end. Probably be in a relationship a few months, get engaged a few months, and then get married. You know, like Darcy and Elizabeth, Captain Wentworth and Anne, Margaret and Mr. Thornton. Oh my God. Yeah, I'm old-fashioned, whatever, lol. Because, "If a man really loves you, he will marry you." I forgot where I read that, but it stung me... And what if I die young? We never know. I don't wanna waste any precious time. It's not like I'm a teenager anymore, I'm turning 22 this year... :O (Gatau kenapa pengen jitak diri sendiri menulis ini, seolah-olah yakin banget things will go according to plan) Wallahu alam. Harus menyerahkan semuanya pada Allah SWT.
But now I'm worried about what'll happen to me after I graduate (insha Allah this August, if everything goes well, amin amin YRA ya Allah) because I decided I wanted to try get myself accepted in an architecture firm (firm, is that right?) and try to make money of my own, but my parents want me to try and get a scholarship. Not to mention my aunt who is in Adelaide with her husband and my brother, taking her S3 degree under a scholarship she got and which she is now advising me to try to get. I do want to try for that scholarship, but I'm just not scholarship-material... I'm too self-indulgent :| have I told you about my thesis topic? Yep, no contribution at all for this country.
Anyways that's how 2013 is going so far. Oh, and this week I started listening to Foster the People's Torches album, and surprisingly I love all their songs, I've been listening to the album all week. Omg. I've never felt this way about music in a long time. #FtP <3
2013 started out pretty good. Alhamdulillah. And bismillahirrahmanirrahim, may Allah guide us all in the small steps that we take to go further ahead. :)
(Jadi sebenarnya ini itu hanya dimaksudkan untuk selingan post yang berikutnya sebenarnya ingin saya publish, tapi terlanjur curcol, ya udalah hakhak) :* lupyu
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